yuk....its like 20 degrees out and its flurrying...and im sick...i hate the winter...i havent done shit today...went and gave a nine min speech this morning...yea i didnt do to well on that....i dont have a fever but my body aches and im coughing and my nose is running...geeze...i never get sick either... my friend crhis has influenza...thats wonderful...poor kids got a 105 fever....anyway, im gonna go lay down and sleep....wait for my dad to get off work so i can go home and go to the dr....tomorrow is my last day of classes...thank god...then break....then finals...eh...neway....have a great day everyone... heres the song of the day

Thrice-Kill Me Quickly
can we,
can we kill each other quickly?
quick enough so i won't feel it?
a shot of strobe light anesthia
and I'll be fine

as I begin to feel cold
my hands are shaking from fear,
white from clutching my pride,
red from cutting you,
and blue from telling lies.

'cause I'm sick of the stabbing,
I'm sick of the breaking,
I'm sick of the bleeding until we fall down,
sick of this circle of death that we dance through
again and again, just lay me in the ground.
let's fall asleep together,
hold me darling 'cause I'm scared,
and I can't do this alone.

but i need!
your heartbeat
to own me,
your cold lips to breathe,
a promise that, tomorrow
we'll wake up somewhere new.

what a tiny picture!

so i didnt post yesterday....eh thats alright.....so im getting sick....yuk....ive been drinking alot of water....so i flush out my system....so hopefully that'll help me get better...i already feel a lil better...and im not leaving my apartment at all today....imma be a hermit....but thats good cuz itll keep me from getting even sicker...and it'll force me to do my speech...thats due tomorrow....maybe ill come down with laryngitis??? hmmm....neway...so last night leann and i went downtown to see the lighting ceremony of the magnificant mile, and to see the fireworks...well leann got caught in traffic so we missed both...but it was still beautiful....have i ever mentioned how much i love chicago?? well i do...oh i posted pictures from leann and my "night on the town" so go check those out...i look like crappola, but umm what else is new??? i see im going to have to post two songs of the day today to make up for yesterday...hmmm....ill have to think what i wanna put up....Brand New is here tonight... thats gonna be a great show lemme tell ya kids...they were here last night too...so leann was here until about 4am....i love our talks....she and i are like eachothers shrinks...we're like heterosexual life parnters...we understand eachother so well...we had our nice lil conversation about guys...how we just cant quite understand them....i mean i can to a point cuz im the only girl in my family...and i hung out with all guys...i was such a tomboy...and even now...im not so much of a tomboy anymore but i still hang out with mainly guys...so i can kinda get into their heads...but sometimes...i just dont understand...take for example jason...alright i know the kid still has feelings for me...and he doesnt state them but i know they're there....and yet hes going out with another girl....and i dunno if u read my very first entry on here ull get most of the story....but it makes me think...cuz i know he still has feelings for me...and he really liked me alot i mean not to sound concided but im all the kid ever talked about....his friends have told me this....i mean when i first met his grandparents, they knew my name and were like its great to finally meet you jason talks about you so much....and his best friend vince said basically the same thing...and at the time it felt good...but now its just like ouch...and i know he had just gotten outta a long term relationship....and maybe it freaked him out that he liked me so much...he even told me it just kinda scares me cuz im so comfortable with you...and i know i can trust you and blah blah...whatever...well it just makes me think that maybe he sees me as someone he could be with longterm...and he doesnt want that right now...so hes keepin me on the backburner until hes ready to be with me...which if thats the case...makes me feel really good...that he sees me like that, but by no means is what he is doing right...cuz it does hurt....although its not as much as before...its still there....and then my parents told me that if i wanted to i could invite him to come with us to my aunts and uncles for thanksgiving...so i mentioned it to him and he sounded excited...like he really wanted to go with...and i would like him to go...but part of me doesnt want him to....i want him to go because i know things would go well...and maybe it would make him realize...hey, things are good here...and theres nothing to run away from....and maybe things would start to re-progress between us....like it was before...and for that very same reason i dont want him to go...becuase im scared of getting into a relationship...if he were to walk in that door right now and be like vanessa will you go out with me....id say yes...but then id freak out...because im so scared of getting hurt....sigh im such a complicated person....and then im probably completley wrong on my thinking...and probably over analyzing things...as i tend to do...and he really just doesnt like me and doesnt want a relationship with me....but then theres the way he acts with me and the way he talks to me...and the way he just is with me...that makes me think that maybe there is still hope...and that i need to give him his time to realize....i dunno...well now that ive written a complete book......ive used all my energy to spill my guts on here...and i coulda been writing my speech...eh well the day is still young...neway i dont think anyone reads these anyway...oh well... heres the song of the day....well two of them....
Todays song of the day:

Jets To Brazil-Further North

The road tonight is cold with ice and no cars pass by.
Thank god for no phone call.
Just snow and a fire.
December endings and since you sent me things, I just feel further north.
This year took ten years to tell me that I'm alone again.
Everything here's about to break.
I'm one inch from all that I can take,
and it's beautiful and sad, but it's all that I have.
So tonight, let's stay inside.
I'll be the husband with a book for a bride.
Tonight, let's stay inside.
I could play guitar.
I've got so many songs that you never heard,
and they weren't about you.
I won't change a word just because you're gone.
The trees creak with arthritic arms.
Brittle in their powdered bark.
Blue moon light, I can't cry right, but I miss you tonight.
Everything here's about to break.
I'm one inch from more than I can take,
and it's beautiful and sad, but it's all that I have.
So tonight, I'll stay inside.
There are things that I'd like to try with you, but I stay inside.
Tonight, I'll stay inside.
I could play guitar.

These guys rock my socks

Yesterdays song of the day:

Hidden In Plain View-Where The Highways End

Its 6AM, open roads and open skies
under this wyoming sunrise
a close encounter with
the emptiness and nothingness
21 years out on the run from our small hometown
you could hear a whisper in the wind
filling me with confidence
so i took advice from the headlights
it made it clear it opened up my eyes
and it opened up my mind
holding on forever to these dreams
we made together
im never gonna let them die
cause i couldnt bear the sight
there is not a word spoken
living in the moment
we're broken down but we're not broken
it will be alright
the world lied awake
as the haze burned away
the wheel seemed to turn on its own
on its way toward the horizons golden
so sunrise, im holding on to you
lift me up, drop me down
through the sounds and ill float
across the coasts, the unknowns
or in our minds where no one knows
thisis where we choose to run away
from all the things we just cant take
all the forced smiles and dreams that washed away
hold on, hold tight, be strong, it will be alright

Whats up with the one guys face? a duh...lol...these guys are pretty awesome

wow so its 339 am and i just got home....it was a good night...really didnt do much during the day...ummm...went over to markys brothers....who had alot of people over...more than any of us expected....drank there...i had wow i had what at least 7 shots of vodka....yum...but it wasnt straight it was mixed with sparkling grape juice...keith was over there at bobby's....but im to shy to go talk to him...im afraid of being rejected....i dunno whatever...then we went over to the ADG house and drank with those guys for a lil bit....then went to santa clara with these two girls...dont know who they are we werent there long cuz i felt bad the one girls roomate was sleeping...the walk home was hilarious cuz mark and bob were so fucked up....mark was running and spinning around...lol they took the longest piss on the way home on campus...lol right by the campus police...ha robo cops...those two are insane...its terrific...then we had a nice lil moment where all three us were lying on the ground holding eachother singing....ha...lol and its only friday...well early sat morning...we still got the rest of the weekend! ha...well have a great night everyone...or day...and heres the song of the day...that perfectly describes me and my hammy's crew...

hey everyone! so i just put music on my blog...it would be greatly appreciated if everyone could leave comments on whether or not they like it!!!! ummm if you do like it leave contact info..or contact me and we'll talk...becuase it is my friend Mark, and he has a cd out...and it would be no problem at all to get one out to you if you like what you hear....:) thanks guys!!! have a great night!! oh and the song that is play is called All The Above.

so today lets see i woke up...decided i wasnt gonna go to my public speaking class...sat around till 1.30 and went to english...we finished watching my fair lady...it was pretty good...i have two papers to write both due on friday...wow i did a whole lotta nothing today...went to the bar....tonight is wing night...but i got quesadillas...ha way to fight the power...yea uh huh....so i saw chris there <sigh> and we were talkin and what not and he was makin fun of me cuz when i talk to people on line i do the whole aside things like *rolls her eyes* *does a dance* and he laughs and is like thats great cuz i can actually see you doin a lil dance...lol thanks...so i told him to let me know when he leaves so i could walk home with him...since we live in the same direction...so he leaves..and i hadn't paid my bill yet...so i left a lil after him, and bob was walkin me home..and we caught up with chris...so hes like well do you wanna go to osco with us? sure...so went with him and his friends there then to granville to get beer...then he invited me to hang out with them up in his room....we watched the family guy...its a pretty god show...<sigh> i really like this kid...so then his two friends left and he and i talked for a lil bit then he offered to walk me home...i said no though cuz his pledge brothers had just gotten there... ahh i really like him...but its not all that bad...cuz i know i cant have him...so im not gonna let myself get to carried away with it...so this way i dont get hurt....now its what 8.54 and i think imma take a nap....ha i just wasted like 5 min of ur life...sucks...im sorry...leann might come up...we'll see...she got a new car...its a 2004 toyota corolla silver...*nice*....im excited to see it...hmmm i think thats all the time of yours that im going to waste...ha i dont even know if people really read these...heres the song of the day...

man im breakin my punk rules right here and putting up a song by good charlotte...but uh its old stuff...so its alright...before they sold out...damn the 13 yr old teeny boopers..and well all the poser kids...*kicks the posers in the head*

Good Charlotte-Change
I am lost in the see-through
I think you've lost yourself too
Throughout all of this confusion
I hope we'll somehow get to you
I practice all the things i'd say
To tell you how i feel
And when i finally get my chance
It all seems to surreal
Cause from the first time i saw you
I only thought about you.
I didnt know you
I wanted to hold onto
The thing youd never say to me
'Cause you said
You cant change the way you feel
(i could never do that, i could never do that)
but you cant tell me this aint real, cause this is real
(and you can see right through that)
In the end its all ive got
So im gunna hold
On and on and on and on
On and on and on and on and on
And now you've got me watchin your eyes
(i'm watching just to see, watching just to see)
You got me watchin just to see
(if youll ever look at me)
If it goes the way it never will
(but will it ever go, will it ever go my way)
Your eyes are watchin me.
Oh, and now you've got me thinkin bout
the first time that i met you
Standin in a crowded room
But i could only see you
And i hope my words will get through
Cause now i cant forget you
I want to tell you
If only i could reach you
And make you feel this way
But you said
You can change the way you feel
(I could never do that, i could never do that)
But you can tell me this aint real, cause this is real
(and you could see right through that)
In the end its all ive got
So i'm gonna hold on and on

erm i wish they hadn't of sold out...

so im posting again before i go to bed...its 2am and i just got home from...guess where...NO! not the bar! THE LIBRARY! yea thats right i went to the LIBRARY! what has this world come to?? geeze...lol but the funny thing is...i had FUN at the library...no not because i was studying, but because bob and i were busy playing hangman, tick tack toe...and the dots game...while amanda studied lol...how bad is that??? lol and then on the way out of the library there was a couple of high stools at a desk...and amanda pats it and goes i want to study here on time...im like yea it reminds me of the bar...lol geeze.. we are sad people....lol no no we're not...so before we went to the library..we made up some goals to achieve before the end of the year....

so i tried posting yesterday and my computer was acting really funky...so it erased it not once not twice but three times...so finally i just gave up....so you gotta love chicago because it is november 18 at 9.30am and its 61 degrees out and raining...awesome....better that below zero and snowing like it usually is...so this weekend i went home...it was nice to be home...saturday night jason came over...yea i know bad me...but you know what its ok now...becasue i am officially over him...i really am i promise....so its ok for him and i to hang out now...so anyway he came over and we watched dumb and dumberer....it was alright....there were some hilarious parts to it...but over all it was just an ok movie...then sunday i did alot of sleeping...and the my lil bro and i went to his confirmation spirit day...yea im a terrible influence...lol because he and i just sat there making fun of the music they were playin and what not...but we did do the lil activities they wanted us to do...turns out we need to do community service together as well...i think we're gonna be doing a soup kitchen....that should be fun...that brings us to yesterday...ya'll are gonna be proud of me cuz i actually went to 2 out of 3 of my classes yesterday!!! haha thats good comapred to how i only usually go to one....and the only reason why i went to english is because my teacher emailed me wanting to know where i was....opps... hmmm i got some good news this morning from my philosophy teacher...and that is that i dont have to turn my paper in till friday...excellent...so i went to the bar last night as usual...and i sang joy to the world by three dog night....all for you by sister hazel...and song of the south by alabama...because i was wearing a cowboy hat last night so i thought i would sing a country song....hahaha...oh im gonna be posting new pictures here in a bit so check those out...what else...ummm oh with my friend bob-a's help i discovered a new band called thelounious monk...they're really good...deviates quite a bit from my usual punky self but they're good...yous guys should go check them out!!!! so ill post two songs of the day today because yesterday's wasnt put up...unwritten law which i was going to originaly today and ummm i dont know the other one yet...and ill add a picture for the early november from my last post...put up some new pics...and i think that'll do it for right now...ill post later on tonight again...so have a great day guys!! oh and by the way its a terential down poor outside...geeze...i love chicago!

Hot Rod Circuit- A Nature's Mercy

Hard not to get hooked...
Hooked on you.
Hard not to get hooked...
Hooked on you.
I think of all the trouble that we get into whenever I'm around you.
Nothing I can do.
All the secrets and mistakes
Yeah, that were made.
What else do I have to say?
I hate being without you.
Never going to leave your side 'cause I can't resist the crazy thing you do.
It's going to take a lot of your time and I hope someday I can give it back to you.
All the trouble that we get into.
Whenever I'm around you,
All the secrets and mistakes that we made.
What else do I have to say?
I hate being without you.
Never going to leave your side 'cause I can't resist the crazy thing you do.
It's going to take a lot of your time and I hope someday I can give it back to you.
Hard not to get hooked...
Hooked on you.
Hard not to get hooked...
Hooked on you.
I think of all the trouble that we get into whenever I'm around you.
Nothing I can do.
All the secrets and mistakes
Yeah, that were made.
What else do I have to say?
I hate being without you.

wee action shot!

 

Yesterdays song of the day:

Unwritten Law-Rescue Me

Shut down
Fallin over once again
Dropped out
Hand extended for a friend
Looked up
And there's you lookin in
And who cares
Cause no ones lookin anyway
Impaired
My vision lost it yesterday
And that's fine
Don't mind feelin that way
Just don't let me lie here by my self
Let’s go
I know I'm faded
Outta sight
Tonight
Just stay with me, I don't wanna go home
Outta sight
Tonight
Just rescue me
I don't wanna go
Rewind and take me back to start again
Ducked out cause paranoia's settin in
But I'm with you until the end
One ride
We'll drive around the parkin lot
No pride
Cause I don't seem to care a lot
No cash
This change is all I got
Just don't let me ride here by myself now
Let’s go
I know I'm faded
Outta sight
Tonight
Just stay with me, I don't wanna go home
All right
Tonight
Just rescue me, I don't wanna go
So set still
One last thrill
Just stay with me and we'll never go home
Outta sight
Tonight
Just rescue me and we'll never go home
Yeah we'll never go home Yeah
I don't wanna go
One more ride
One time once again
Just climb in
I'm still climbing yeah
One more ride
One time once again
Just climb in
I'm still climbing
Outta sight
Tonight
Just stay with me, I don't wanna go home
All right
Tonight
Just rescue me, I don't wanna go
So set still
One last thrill
Just stay with me and we'll never go home
Outta sight
Tonight
So rescue me and we'll never go home


ohh please dont squishy me!

weeeeeeeeeee so u guys got lucky and im posting before i leave!! i know how excited ya'll are!!! haha neway....so last night amanda, leann and i went to the bar..there was a live band playin..eh they sucked...we were there for about oh 15 min and then left...so we were walkin back towards our place and there was a homeless man sleeping in a doorway..and hes lyin on his side facing us and hes peeing...sick...he was layin in his own piss...so we dropped amanda off at her place then leann and i walked down to the El and went to clarks...sat there for awhile and then jumped back on the El and the first train we got on was over crowded and im claustrophobic so we got back off to wait for the next one we get on the next one and someone puked in the car...sick SICK SICK...so just when leann and i thought that the night couldnt get any grosser we almost step in puke walkin down my block...WHAT THE HELL PEOPLE?!?! i dont understand what has become of this world...geeze...well anyway, im going to go clean out my portable turtle tank so i can bring mortimer home with me this weekend...he'll get lonley if i leave him here by himself....then i think leann and i are gonna go eat and head home...tomorrow i get to go to my brothers confirmation retreat...yippee!!! and hmm well i think thats about it!!! everyone have a great weekend!!!!!! here is the song...well for the weekend! or well maybe ill put up two songs one for today one for tomorrow

song of the day!  yea so nothing much happend to day....the only thing interesting is that im a clutz..and twisted my ankle...yea way to go me...well im gonna be home this weekend...my brother has a confirmation retreat the the both of us need to go to, because im his sponsor! yay! :) so i wont be on here at all this weekend...try not to miss me to much!! hehehe well im off to where ever we are going tonight...ummm well i lied im off to finish making myself look pretty...then we are off to where ever we are off to! haha have a great night everyone...and if ur lucky! ill post tomorrow before i leave!

Lucky Boys Confusion-Still
Sitting, attractively bored
I guess I had this coming, it’s been a long time coming
Casually she kills me, attractively bored
I leave too much unsaid, I leave too much unsaid
You’ve got the sand in the palm of your hand
Don’t let it slip away
Regret haunts forever, don’t try to be clever
To shatter these weak walls
And finally he approaches, the one he’s watched so long
He musters up his courage, hello
Then he turns around and heads back to the daily life he knows
When a tap upon his shoulder, hello
Sweating, my swagger ignored
And I’m swaying on the border, got to get my life in order
Casually she stills me, attractively scarred
I leave too much unsaid, I leave too much unsaid
Youve got the sand in the palm of your hand
Don't let it slip away
Regret haunts forever, don't try to be clever
To shatter these weak walls
And finally he approaches, the one he's watched so long
He musters up his courage, hello
Then he turns around and heads back to the daily life he knows
When a tap upon his shoulder, hello

my other boys from the hood! (yea this is a bad pic too)