well i hope everyone has a great turkey day!!!! imma be headed home here in an hr or so...and prolly wont be on at all over the weekend...i know i know you guys are gonna all miss me soooo much! haha yea right...thats what i like to keep tellin myself...newho....hope you all have a good turkey day!! hehe eat lots and lots!!! haha...heres the song...well of the weekend!!!!!

So it's safe to say that we've been here before;
Heart torn out, down for the count and still come back for more.
This lesson is learned too well.
Though, only unlearned by the time your wounds have healed.
Have you had enough?
I guess not because your lips are stuck to his.
It's Time to say enough is enough, you would be so better off.
You love him but tough because it's not coming back from him.
You can't win.
Stop expecting change, he's just a lost cause that you're waiting on.
Take a look around, you could have anyone.
So leave undeserving him.
It only hurts at first.
But then you will find someone to give you everything you want.
Try not to go running back to him.
So it goes unsaid that we've been here before.
Lonely nights and endless fights and sleeping on the floor.
And he's sorry, so the story goes.
It's read and replayed and ends the same way
Stop expecting change, he's just a lost cause that you're waiting on.
Take a look around, you could have anyone.
So leave undeserving him.
Stop expecting change, he's just a lost cause that you're waiting on.
Take a look around, you could have anyone. So leave undeserving him.

weeeeeeeeee....haha these guys are fun!!!! ....this song was the story of my life for awhile...kinda is still for the most part....

hmmm...so im feeling much better than what i did yesterday....:) thats always a good thing....so a couple stories...their short dont worry...i know i like to bore you with some of my stories sometimes...one have i ever mentioned how much i love leann?? ha well i do...she drove up here last night to bring me tea and cough drops and stuff....cuz she knew i was sick and im such a bitch...i meant to call her last night when i went home...but as soon as i got home i took some nyquil and i was out...so i never got to call her...neway...she came up here and left everything for me...yay...shes the best friend neone could ever ask for....i dunno what id do with out her....

ok so second story when i was in 6th grade...i know takin it back here man....back to the old school..ha ha...neway...my friend matt and i were OBSESSED with the song rapper's delight by the sugar hill gang...now this song is incredibly long....14 min 36 seconds to be exact...so we made it a point to have the ENTIRE song memorized by the end of the year....and we did it! by the end of the year we were able to sing the whole song...ha we were quite proud of ourselves...you guys are thinking damn what losers...i know and i dont care! i had fun doin it!!! neway...so ive been wanting to hear this song for the past couple of days...why i dont know but i did...so i finally downloaded it and satisfied my craving for the song! now granted i didnt remember all the lyrics but i remembered some of them...haha good times...

so thats the end of my two stories...told you they were short!! so today hmmm didnt do much of anything lots of laying around...which is good i needed that....then i went to my forensics class..which tonight wasnt as entertaining as most...but eh what can ya do??

OH! one more story!! one more i swear!!! so i went home last night we all know this from above.. well neway i went to the doctor as well..and he wanted to do a strep and flu test on me...ok well ive had the strep test before where they stick that swab down ur throat and it makes you gag...so then he goes to get the swab for the flu test...and ive never had this one before...so i didnt know where he was stickin it and hes like ok now take a big deep breath and hold...AND STUCK IT UP MY NOSE!! YUK... that was the most uncomfortable feeling...neway so he put me on meds...and im such an alcoholic... the first thing i checked for when i got the medicine from the pharmacy was the little sticker on the side that says that you cant drink while your on the medicine...and there it was...bah....now i know with most meds your not supposed to drink while your on them..but some you can get away with it....and unfortunatley this is not one of them...im sad arent i?? im really not an alcoholic though...i dont go to the aa meetings...no haha kidding..im not though...an alcoholic that is...i was kidding...about the aa meetings...i mean i dont go to them....but yea well you get the point...

ok so that was really two stories rolled into one! ha..tricked you guys!! neway so tonight i think leann might be coming up cuz im actually here!! haha and we might head to the bar...NOT to drink...but just to see everyone one last time before break...there's supposed to be a dj and the back bar and dance floor are gonna be open tonight....so we'll see....prolly just chill around the apartment though....i know i really shouldnt go anywhere even though im feeling better...

alright well i guess that's all for my ramblings today....hmmm oh! one more thing! this girl named morgan emailed me today about my blog! and she was tellin me how much she liked it!! :) and it made me smile!!!! and she asked me how to do some of the things on my blog...and i explained it to her in an email....i hope i did a good enough job!!!! weeee...neway ok im really done...and really hyper...wow really...really...HYPER! i dont know what my deal is yo...ha so i was gonna put up rappers delight up for my song of the day...but its incredibly long....and itd take up mounds of space...so ummm lets go with....sublime!

ahhhh and before i forget here are some words to live by...
"In life we do things...some we wish we had never done, some we wish we could replay a million times in our heads, but they make us who we are. And in the end, those experiences shape every detail about us. If we were to reverse any of them, we wouldn't be at the exact place that we are today. So just live, make mistakes, and have wonderful times, but never, ever, second guess who you are, where you have been, and most importantly, where it is that you are going."


ok heres the song of the day!!!

Sublime-Santeria
I don't practice Santeria
I ain't got no crystal ball
Well I had a million dollars but I, I'd spend it all
If I could find that heina and that sancho that she'd found
Well I'd pop a cap in sancho and I'd slap her down
What I really wanna know (my baby)
What I really wanna say, I can't define
Well it's love that I neeeeeed
My soul will have to wait till I get back
Find a heina of my own
Daddy's gonna love one and all
I feel the break, feel the break, feel the break
And I gotta live it out
Oh yeah un-huh
Well I swear that I, what I really wanna know (my baby)
What I really wanna say, I can't define
Got love! Make it go
My soul will have to...
What I really wanna say (my baby)
What I really wanna say, is I've got mine
And I'll make it
Yes, I'm going up
Tell sanchito that if he knows what is good for him
He best go run and hide
Daddy's got a new .45
And I won't think twice
To stick that barrel straight down sancho's throat
Believe me when I say that I got something for his punk-ass
What I really wanna know (my baby)
What I really wanna say, is there's just one way back
And I'll make it
My soul will have to wait

yuk....its like 20 degrees out and its flurrying...and im sick...i hate the winter...i havent done shit today...went and gave a nine min speech this morning...yea i didnt do to well on that....i dont have a fever but my body aches and im coughing and my nose is running...geeze...i never get sick either... my friend crhis has influenza...thats wonderful...poor kids got a 105 fever....anyway, im gonna go lay down and sleep....wait for my dad to get off work so i can go home and go to the dr....tomorrow is my last day of classes...thank god...then break....then finals...eh...neway....have a great day everyone... heres the song of the day

Thrice-Kill Me Quickly
can we,
can we kill each other quickly?
quick enough so i won't feel it?
a shot of strobe light anesthia
and I'll be fine

as I begin to feel cold
my hands are shaking from fear,
white from clutching my pride,
red from cutting you,
and blue from telling lies.

'cause I'm sick of the stabbing,
I'm sick of the breaking,
I'm sick of the bleeding until we fall down,
sick of this circle of death that we dance through
again and again, just lay me in the ground.
let's fall asleep together,
hold me darling 'cause I'm scared,
and I can't do this alone.

but i need!
your heartbeat
to own me,
your cold lips to breathe,
a promise that, tomorrow
we'll wake up somewhere new.

what a tiny picture!

so i didnt post yesterday....eh thats alright.....so im getting sick....yuk....ive been drinking alot of water....so i flush out my system....so hopefully that'll help me get better...i already feel a lil better...and im not leaving my apartment at all today....imma be a hermit....but thats good cuz itll keep me from getting even sicker...and it'll force me to do my speech...thats due tomorrow....maybe ill come down with laryngitis??? hmmm....neway...so last night leann and i went downtown to see the lighting ceremony of the magnificant mile, and to see the fireworks...well leann got caught in traffic so we missed both...but it was still beautiful....have i ever mentioned how much i love chicago?? well i do...oh i posted pictures from leann and my "night on the town" so go check those out...i look like crappola, but umm what else is new??? i see im going to have to post two songs of the day today to make up for yesterday...hmmm....ill have to think what i wanna put up....Brand New is here tonight... thats gonna be a great show lemme tell ya kids...they were here last night too...so leann was here until about 4am....i love our talks....she and i are like eachothers shrinks...we're like heterosexual life parnters...we understand eachother so well...we had our nice lil conversation about guys...how we just cant quite understand them....i mean i can to a point cuz im the only girl in my family...and i hung out with all guys...i was such a tomboy...and even now...im not so much of a tomboy anymore but i still hang out with mainly guys...so i can kinda get into their heads...but sometimes...i just dont understand...take for example jason...alright i know the kid still has feelings for me...and he doesnt state them but i know they're there....and yet hes going out with another girl....and i dunno if u read my very first entry on here ull get most of the story....but it makes me think...cuz i know he still has feelings for me...and he really liked me alot i mean not to sound concided but im all the kid ever talked about....his friends have told me this....i mean when i first met his grandparents, they knew my name and were like its great to finally meet you jason talks about you so much....and his best friend vince said basically the same thing...and at the time it felt good...but now its just like ouch...and i know he had just gotten outta a long term relationship....and maybe it freaked him out that he liked me so much...he even told me it just kinda scares me cuz im so comfortable with you...and i know i can trust you and blah blah...whatever...well it just makes me think that maybe he sees me as someone he could be with longterm...and he doesnt want that right now...so hes keepin me on the backburner until hes ready to be with me...which if thats the case...makes me feel really good...that he sees me like that, but by no means is what he is doing right...cuz it does hurt....although its not as much as before...its still there....and then my parents told me that if i wanted to i could invite him to come with us to my aunts and uncles for thanksgiving...so i mentioned it to him and he sounded excited...like he really wanted to go with...and i would like him to go...but part of me doesnt want him to....i want him to go because i know things would go well...and maybe it would make him realize...hey, things are good here...and theres nothing to run away from....and maybe things would start to re-progress between us....like it was before...and for that very same reason i dont want him to go...becuase im scared of getting into a relationship...if he were to walk in that door right now and be like vanessa will you go out with me....id say yes...but then id freak out...because im so scared of getting hurt....sigh im such a complicated person....and then im probably completley wrong on my thinking...and probably over analyzing things...as i tend to do...and he really just doesnt like me and doesnt want a relationship with me....but then theres the way he acts with me and the way he talks to me...and the way he just is with me...that makes me think that maybe there is still hope...and that i need to give him his time to realize....i dunno...well now that ive written a complete book......ive used all my energy to spill my guts on here...and i coulda been writing my speech...eh well the day is still young...neway i dont think anyone reads these anyway...oh well... heres the song of the day....well two of them....
Todays song of the day:

Jets To Brazil-Further North

The road tonight is cold with ice and no cars pass by.
Thank god for no phone call.
Just snow and a fire.
December endings and since you sent me things, I just feel further north.
This year took ten years to tell me that I'm alone again.
Everything here's about to break.
I'm one inch from all that I can take,
and it's beautiful and sad, but it's all that I have.
So tonight, let's stay inside.
I'll be the husband with a book for a bride.
Tonight, let's stay inside.
I could play guitar.
I've got so many songs that you never heard,
and they weren't about you.
I won't change a word just because you're gone.
The trees creak with arthritic arms.
Brittle in their powdered bark.
Blue moon light, I can't cry right, but I miss you tonight.
Everything here's about to break.
I'm one inch from more than I can take,
and it's beautiful and sad, but it's all that I have.
So tonight, I'll stay inside.
There are things that I'd like to try with you, but I stay inside.
Tonight, I'll stay inside.
I could play guitar.

These guys rock my socks

Yesterdays song of the day:

Hidden In Plain View-Where The Highways End

Its 6AM, open roads and open skies
under this wyoming sunrise
a close encounter with
the emptiness and nothingness
21 years out on the run from our small hometown
you could hear a whisper in the wind
filling me with confidence
so i took advice from the headlights
it made it clear it opened up my eyes
and it opened up my mind
holding on forever to these dreams
we made together
im never gonna let them die
cause i couldnt bear the sight
there is not a word spoken
living in the moment
we're broken down but we're not broken
it will be alright
the world lied awake
as the haze burned away
the wheel seemed to turn on its own
on its way toward the horizons golden
so sunrise, im holding on to you
lift me up, drop me down
through the sounds and ill float
across the coasts, the unknowns
or in our minds where no one knows
thisis where we choose to run away
from all the things we just cant take
all the forced smiles and dreams that washed away
hold on, hold tight, be strong, it will be alright

Whats up with the one guys face? a duh...lol...these guys are pretty awesome

wow so its 339 am and i just got home....it was a good night...really didnt do much during the day...ummm...went over to markys brothers....who had alot of people over...more than any of us expected....drank there...i had wow i had what at least 7 shots of vodka....yum...but it wasnt straight it was mixed with sparkling grape juice...keith was over there at bobby's....but im to shy to go talk to him...im afraid of being rejected....i dunno whatever...then we went over to the ADG house and drank with those guys for a lil bit....then went to santa clara with these two girls...dont know who they are we werent there long cuz i felt bad the one girls roomate was sleeping...the walk home was hilarious cuz mark and bob were so fucked up....mark was running and spinning around...lol they took the longest piss on the way home on campus...lol right by the campus police...ha robo cops...those two are insane...its terrific...then we had a nice lil moment where all three us were lying on the ground holding eachother singing....ha...lol and its only friday...well early sat morning...we still got the rest of the weekend! ha...well have a great night everyone...or day...and heres the song of the day...that perfectly describes me and my hammy's crew...

hey everyone! so i just put music on my blog...it would be greatly appreciated if everyone could leave comments on whether or not they like it!!!! ummm if you do like it leave contact info..or contact me and we'll talk...becuase it is my friend Mark, and he has a cd out...and it would be no problem at all to get one out to you if you like what you hear....:) thanks guys!!! have a great night!! oh and the song that is play is called All The Above.

so today lets see i woke up...decided i wasnt gonna go to my public speaking class...sat around till 1.30 and went to english...we finished watching my fair lady...it was pretty good...i have two papers to write both due on friday...wow i did a whole lotta nothing today...went to the bar....tonight is wing night...but i got quesadillas...ha way to fight the power...yea uh huh....so i saw chris there <sigh> and we were talkin and what not and he was makin fun of me cuz when i talk to people on line i do the whole aside things like *rolls her eyes* *does a dance* and he laughs and is like thats great cuz i can actually see you doin a lil dance...lol thanks...so i told him to let me know when he leaves so i could walk home with him...since we live in the same direction...so he leaves..and i hadn't paid my bill yet...so i left a lil after him, and bob was walkin me home..and we caught up with chris...so hes like well do you wanna go to osco with us? sure...so went with him and his friends there then to granville to get beer...then he invited me to hang out with them up in his room....we watched the family guy...its a pretty god show...<sigh> i really like this kid...so then his two friends left and he and i talked for a lil bit then he offered to walk me home...i said no though cuz his pledge brothers had just gotten there... ahh i really like him...but its not all that bad...cuz i know i cant have him...so im not gonna let myself get to carried away with it...so this way i dont get hurt....now its what 8.54 and i think imma take a nap....ha i just wasted like 5 min of ur life...sucks...im sorry...leann might come up...we'll see...she got a new car...its a 2004 toyota corolla silver...*nice*....im excited to see it...hmmm i think thats all the time of yours that im going to waste...ha i dont even know if people really read these...heres the song of the day...

man im breakin my punk rules right here and putting up a song by good charlotte...but uh its old stuff...so its alright...before they sold out...damn the 13 yr old teeny boopers..and well all the poser kids...*kicks the posers in the head*

Good Charlotte-Change
I am lost in the see-through
I think you've lost yourself too
Throughout all of this confusion
I hope we'll somehow get to you
I practice all the things i'd say
To tell you how i feel
And when i finally get my chance
It all seems to surreal
Cause from the first time i saw you
I only thought about you.
I didnt know you
I wanted to hold onto
The thing youd never say to me
'Cause you said
You cant change the way you feel
(i could never do that, i could never do that)
but you cant tell me this aint real, cause this is real
(and you can see right through that)
In the end its all ive got
So im gunna hold
On and on and on and on
On and on and on and on and on
And now you've got me watchin your eyes
(i'm watching just to see, watching just to see)
You got me watchin just to see
(if youll ever look at me)
If it goes the way it never will
(but will it ever go, will it ever go my way)
Your eyes are watchin me.
Oh, and now you've got me thinkin bout
the first time that i met you
Standin in a crowded room
But i could only see you
And i hope my words will get through
Cause now i cant forget you
I want to tell you
If only i could reach you
And make you feel this way
But you said
You can change the way you feel
(I could never do that, i could never do that)
But you can tell me this aint real, cause this is real
(and you could see right through that)
In the end its all ive got
So i'm gonna hold on and on

erm i wish they hadn't of sold out...

so im posting again before i go to bed...its 2am and i just got home from...guess where...NO! not the bar! THE LIBRARY! yea thats right i went to the LIBRARY! what has this world come to?? geeze...lol but the funny thing is...i had FUN at the library...no not because i was studying, but because bob and i were busy playing hangman, tick tack toe...and the dots game...while amanda studied lol...how bad is that??? lol and then on the way out of the library there was a couple of high stools at a desk...and amanda pats it and goes i want to study here on time...im like yea it reminds me of the bar...lol geeze.. we are sad people....lol no no we're not...so before we went to the library..we made up some goals to achieve before the end of the year....

so i tried posting yesterday and my computer was acting really funky...so it erased it not once not twice but three times...so finally i just gave up....so you gotta love chicago because it is november 18 at 9.30am and its 61 degrees out and raining...awesome....better that below zero and snowing like it usually is...so this weekend i went home...it was nice to be home...saturday night jason came over...yea i know bad me...but you know what its ok now...becasue i am officially over him...i really am i promise....so its ok for him and i to hang out now...so anyway he came over and we watched dumb and dumberer....it was alright....there were some hilarious parts to it...but over all it was just an ok movie...then sunday i did alot of sleeping...and the my lil bro and i went to his confirmation spirit day...yea im a terrible influence...lol because he and i just sat there making fun of the music they were playin and what not...but we did do the lil activities they wanted us to do...turns out we need to do community service together as well...i think we're gonna be doing a soup kitchen....that should be fun...that brings us to yesterday...ya'll are gonna be proud of me cuz i actually went to 2 out of 3 of my classes yesterday!!! haha thats good comapred to how i only usually go to one....and the only reason why i went to english is because my teacher emailed me wanting to know where i was....opps... hmmm i got some good news this morning from my philosophy teacher...and that is that i dont have to turn my paper in till friday...excellent...so i went to the bar last night as usual...and i sang joy to the world by three dog night....all for you by sister hazel...and song of the south by alabama...because i was wearing a cowboy hat last night so i thought i would sing a country song....hahaha...oh im gonna be posting new pictures here in a bit so check those out...what else...ummm oh with my friend bob-a's help i discovered a new band called thelounious monk...they're really good...deviates quite a bit from my usual punky self but they're good...yous guys should go check them out!!!! so ill post two songs of the day today because yesterday's wasnt put up...unwritten law which i was going to originaly today and ummm i dont know the other one yet...and ill add a picture for the early november from my last post...put up some new pics...and i think that'll do it for right now...ill post later on tonight again...so have a great day guys!! oh and by the way its a terential down poor outside...geeze...i love chicago!

Hot Rod Circuit- A Nature's Mercy

Hard not to get hooked...
Hooked on you.
Hard not to get hooked...
Hooked on you.
I think of all the trouble that we get into whenever I'm around you.
Nothing I can do.
All the secrets and mistakes
Yeah, that were made.
What else do I have to say?
I hate being without you.
Never going to leave your side 'cause I can't resist the crazy thing you do.
It's going to take a lot of your time and I hope someday I can give it back to you.
All the trouble that we get into.
Whenever I'm around you,
All the secrets and mistakes that we made.
What else do I have to say?
I hate being without you.
Never going to leave your side 'cause I can't resist the crazy thing you do.
It's going to take a lot of your time and I hope someday I can give it back to you.
Hard not to get hooked...
Hooked on you.
Hard not to get hooked...
Hooked on you.
I think of all the trouble that we get into whenever I'm around you.
Nothing I can do.
All the secrets and mistakes
Yeah, that were made.
What else do I have to say?
I hate being without you.

wee action shot!

 

Yesterdays song of the day:

Unwritten Law-Rescue Me

Shut down
Fallin over once again
Dropped out
Hand extended for a friend
Looked up
And there's you lookin in
And who cares
Cause no ones lookin anyway
Impaired
My vision lost it yesterday
And that's fine
Don't mind feelin that way
Just don't let me lie here by my self
Let’s go
I know I'm faded
Outta sight
Tonight
Just stay with me, I don't wanna go home
Outta sight
Tonight
Just rescue me
I don't wanna go
Rewind and take me back to start again
Ducked out cause paranoia's settin in
But I'm with you until the end
One ride
We'll drive around the parkin lot
No pride
Cause I don't seem to care a lot
No cash
This change is all I got
Just don't let me ride here by myself now
Let’s go
I know I'm faded
Outta sight
Tonight
Just stay with me, I don't wanna go home
All right
Tonight
Just rescue me, I don't wanna go
So set still
One last thrill
Just stay with me and we'll never go home
Outta sight
Tonight
Just rescue me and we'll never go home
Yeah we'll never go home Yeah
I don't wanna go
One more ride
One time once again
Just climb in
I'm still climbing yeah
One more ride
One time once again
Just climb in
I'm still climbing
Outta sight
Tonight
Just stay with me, I don't wanna go home
All right
Tonight
Just rescue me, I don't wanna go
So set still
One last thrill
Just stay with me and we'll never go home
Outta sight
Tonight
So rescue me and we'll never go home


ohh please dont squishy me!