^{so i had quite a long uneventful day...lets review what i did today...woke up laid around...went to the library for an hr...came back here...tried to find stuff to entertain me...succeded got bored...and repeated...so today i was supposed to finally go see the matrix with chris...and well yesterday i saw him and asked if he still wanted to go and hes like well ya know im not sure cuz i just found out today that i have to service hours for my frat...and then well ok dec 1st steve wolf, a loyola student passed away after a car accident in rome, he was in rome because he was studying abroad....and chris was friends with him...the memorial service was today...so he wanted to go...both reasons very understandable...i wasnt upset...hes like but i will call you when i get done and we'll see if we can still go..alright...so this morning he had to go take his anatomy exam...he comes back and i asked him how he did...and he was being rude to me....ok he was cranky...thats fine....he went to sleep....got up did everything he needed to...went to the memorial service...and got back at 9.00 well the next show was at 10.30...so he gets back and i im him and tell him hes got a virus....well he flips out about that then is like well i have to go bye...and leaves....so we didnt go to the movie....so i called mark and bob to see if they wanted to go to the bar tonight...which is something we dont normally do because its a thurs night...they really didnt wanna go so i stayed in....and i started to think...well if i went and he was there then it would hurt already more than it does...that hes actin like an ass...and the past couple days ive been in this odd mood...like something was bothering me but i couldnt quite put my finger on it....well i knew exactly what it was, well part of it...and i just didnt want to admit to myself that the reason why i was upset was because of the way chris was acting towards me...it bothered me that that bothered me...if that makes any sense....so neway leann came over to talk...and i started tellin her whats wrong...and ok i have this problem...im just getting over the whole jason escapades....and i didnt want to start liking anyone...in fear of being hurt....in fear of being in a relationship.....even though i want one...im in fear of it because of being hurt....but its the whole you cant help what you feel deal...ha that rhymes...anyway....i told myself that i wasnt going to get attached...that i wasnt going to care....well i didnt get attached...but i do care...and i hate that i care...i hate that it bothers me...ok there are valid reasons that he could be acting the way he is....one big one that his friend just passed away....another that hes stressed about finals...and last he just did weed again for the first time in a while....and i know that has affects on ones personality....its called withdrawl.....its just hard to stop my self from thinking that its me...anyway....bah...im so complicated....my whole life well....yea i guess you can say that... revolves around not getting hurt...and doing everything possible to avoid that...and i know you're thinking well everyone does that....yea i know that they do....but sometimes i go to emotional extremes not to....i guess you could say...roar....i just i dunno...need to get my shit together? no its together....i just want to find someone that i can take it slow with.....arrr...i dunno I DONT KNOW anymore....and i really dont care nemore...sad huh? i give up on my search for a guy...and i have come to terms that no guy is gonna come looking for me.....}_{ok so we're talking about voting on the tag board...and heres my views on voting...im not registered to vote...and its going to stay that way for awhile...why you ask? because right now i dont care!...yea and thats prolly not a good thing but i would like to finish college first and get a good job and then ill worry about politics...because then i will be more effected by them...oh well....neway my view may be wrong...but thats my view....}
 

so i have problems...i know....but eh i deal....hmmm im also having problems with my blog...such as i wanna change my background but i dont know how....i have the code to do it...but i dont know where to put it!! hmmm and i think i might decorate for christmas....since i cant decorate my house...because we arent gonna be there!!! i could decorate my apartment....but i have nothing to do that with...hmmm maybe ill make my dad bring me some decorations from home since they wont be used there....thats a thought...maybe put some lights up in my window and a wreath on my door? .....ill have to call home tomorrow....neway....its 4 in the morning....i think i might sleep...maybe not...got nothing to do tomorrow....well i do i should do my papers and speech....yea ill do that tomorrow...i really gotta get a move on on those...they are finals after all...hmmm i think later on today i might put some quotes up and some funny things up....oh song of the day! i almost forgot! that woulda been terrible!! i know how disapointed yall woulda been...hmmm what band....lets see....*goes to search her vault*

Blink 182-All of tThis
With all of this I know now
Everything inside of my head
It all just goes to show how
Nothing I know changes me at all
Again I wait for this to change instead
To tear the world in two
Another night with her
But I'm always wanting you
Use me Holly come on and use me
We know where we go
Use me Holly come on and use me
We go where we know
With all of this I feel now
Everything inside of my heart
It all just seems to be how
Nothing I feel pulls at me at all
Again I wait for this to pull apart
To break my time in two
Another night with her
But I'm always wanting you
Use me Holly come on and use me
We know where we go
Use me Holly come on and use me
We go where we know
She's all I need
She's all I dream
She's all I'm always wanting
She's all I need
She's all I dream
She's all:
I'm always wanting you
Yeah I'm always wanting you
I'm always wanting you